17/09/10…..Greg’s family thanks the people of Thame & describe the full impact of their tragedy

The family of 18 year-old Greg Stiles, who died as a result of the dangerous driving of a convicted hobby racing driver, has thanked the people of Thame for their support throughout their ordeal.

In a statement yesterday after the trial of 26 year-old Sam Edwards of Marsh, Aylesbury, Maggie Stiles, Greg’s mother, said:

“The last three weeks have been a harrowing ordeal and we are very thankful that it is now over and we have achieved some measure of justice for Greg. He was a phenomenal kid and we have done this for him. We have come into court every morning and felt such distress but we know that we have done our very best for him.

“We would like to thank the police, especially those from the Aylesbury Roads Policing Unit for their work and dedication.

“We would like to thank as a family the CPS for all their hard work and to thank personally the emergency services and the air ambulance for all they did, and especially the Thame community without whom we would have struggled to cope.

“We must now learn to live without our son of whom we are so proud, and who is so desperately missed, and to mend our shattered lives.?

Maggie Stiles, a Practice Nurse, then spoke about the dreadful day she heard the news of her son?s death, while she was shopping in High Wycombe.

“But now,” she concluded: ?We have been dealt this card and it is up to us to deal with it the best we can.?

THE FULL IMPACT ON GREG’S FAMILY AND FRIENDS

Unless such a tragedy as this has happened to them, few people can imagine the full impact that the loss of a family member and friend can have on those left behind. As is becoming more and more common after such trials, Greg’s family have issued the following Victim impact statement which was also given to the judge and lawyers on both sides at the conclusion of the trial:

“There are no words in any dictionary or any language to describe what losing Greg, our 18-year-old son and brother, has done to us as a family. Words are insufficient to say how our world has been blown apart, our lives devastated and us as individuals changed forever. Nothing in life is worse than losing a child especially so suddenly and unexpectedly. What started as a normal Sunday ended with Greg?s dad Rob needing to identify his son?s body in a hospital mortuary and his mum Maggie having to tell her other son Mark, that his younger brother had been killed. The total shock and pain we felt that day is indescribable and that pain and shock continues every day.

It was absolute torture knowing that two post mortems had to be carried out on your child because the accident was a coroner?s case. No parent should ever have to endure that on his or her child. Having to arrange Greg?s funeral was unbearable. How do you choose a coffin for your child and what music do you have at his funeral?! There were over 350 people at Greg?s funeral, across all ages, family friends and hundreds from the local community in Thame, which was an indication of the shock and grief being felt by others as well as us.

In the weeks and months that have followed we wake up every day to feel a train hit us in the chest at the total disbelief that Greg is no longer here. We have endured torture waiting to hear from the police as to whether there was enough evidence to result in a trial, every rolled over bail date sent us into freefall again wishing the nightmare would end. We still can?t believe we have lost Greg, we cannot comprehend never seeing him again as ?never? is too long. Not only have we lost a son and brother but he was our friend too who we love and miss more and more every day.

Following the accident Rob, Maggie and Mark were not fit to work and were all signed off sick. Rob was unable to work for four months. As a HGV driver it is crucial to be able to concentrate and drive safely and Rob was unable to do this as his mind was preoccupied and he was in shock. When he did return to work he was put on short shifts for several weeks. Subsequently Rob has reduced his hours permanently as he is unable to undertake such long hours as he used to.

Mark was on an industrial placement as part of his Engineering Degree and was only able to take two weeks sick and two weeks holiday off work, otherwise he would not have completed the required element for his degree. It was almost impossible for him to psychologically cope with what was required of him. Despite this he gained a First Class Honours Degree in motor sport engineering this summer and has recently commenced full-time employment within the motor sport industry. He misses Greg terribly as a friend as well as a brother, and the banter that used to go on between them. He will never have the chance to be an uncle to Greg?s children, or a best man at his wedding, his future with his brother has been destroyed.

Maggie was unable to return to her job as a full time nurse manager in the Health Service. A position she had worked hard to achieve. She was unable to cope with the stress and demands of the job and was off work for eight months. During this time she started having counselling each week, which is still continuing. She suffered anxiety and panic attacks for several months. She tried to return to work after six months off sick but was unable to cope. Eventually in January this year she managed to change her job to a part-time nurse in a local GP practice. She is just about coping with her new job, thanks to a very supportive team with whom she works and also the ongoing weekly counselling sessions through the CRUSE charity.

We are weary of life and often struggle to keep going, as there seems little point. Our lives are devastated forever, and our future has been blown apart, through no choice of our own or Greg?s. We have no control over what has happened and we will never come to terms with losing Greg and never get over this nightmare. All we will ever do is somehow learn to cope and function within the nightmare. Thankfully, we are surrounded by a supportive family and fantastic friends who are always there for us, but they are suffering their own grief at the loss of Greg too. Thame community as a whole has been incredibly supportive and we have been overwhelmed by people?s kindness but the pain and loss, hurt and anger we feel will continue forever. Sometimes we have to live day by day, as that is all we can manage, as the future is too frightening to contemplate.

Rob, Maggie and Mark Stiles
September 2010

PHOTO: (Copyright Sonja Francis) Maggie Stiles (front-right) Greg’s mum, watches with others who have lost young people, as dozens of balloons are released into the air at the recent launch of the Thame Youth Memorial Trust. http://www.thameyouthmemorial.org/
The Stiles family have been huge supporters and promotors of the Trust’s work and tireless fund-raisers